Two ears and one mouth ....

(This is a re-release post from this blog .....TferThomas, from January 2009, and for me, both personally and professionally, remains very relevant today).

Recently this old saying has surfaced in a number of conversations and presentations that I have been privileged to be a part of. I thought I should share my thoughts here, and share the love of this age old saying.

You have two ears and one mouth, and that's the proportion you should use them.

How many times in the past have you been in an important meeting, and when concluded, only to find that you appear to have missed some key, critical information? It has certainly happened to me on a number of occasions. Until, that is, someone shared the love of this old saying to me.

If you can actually resist opening your mouth, and therefore not talk, but more importantly, concentrate on what the other party is discussing, the chances of you absorbing what they are trying to say (whether directly, or indirectly) increases exponentially... to your favour.

And this is the point, by gaining the direct and indirect insights (ie. the world according to the other party), you are leaps and bounds of someone else (perhaps your competitor).

But this doesn't just apply to business dealings.... again, how many times have you had a conversation with your loved one, and later, could not recall what he / she was really drilling down to from within the conversation? Its happened to us all, and will continue to do so, if you don't zip it.

Of course, verbal acknowledgments do assist the non verbal signs, confirming the simple fact you are listening, but that's just the point.... two ears and one mouth.

So the next time you are sitting with someone (business or pleasure), give it a go, and let me know what the outcomes were.

My thoughts,

Thomas

Follow Thomas @TferThomas

Learn to like yourself first....

Many of you would have heard of the term "people pleaser" I am sure, but if you haven't, allow me to explain. In my words, a "people pleaser" is a person whose main aim is to please others, and quite often, that is to the detriment of themselves (in other words, putting others' needs and wants before their very own).

Now, I am no psychologist, but this is not good for your self esteem, your positiveness, your motivation to develop as an individual, or more importantly, to like yourself as a person. By concentrating on others, you are not focusing on yourself (and I don't mean in a conceited way).


How can others like you, if you don't like yourself?

You really need to understand who you actually are, accept who you are, and be the best person you can be, while all the time remembering who you are.

If you can't be yourself, how can you strive to be a better person, or grow as the person you are? If you try to be someone you are not, you are not being true to yourself, and you simply cannot grow as the person you are.

But wait, what about striving to be a better person and so become a different person as a result? Sure this is fine, but in the end, you really don't know how you will develop.... all the fun of developing yourself and going on life's journey.... your journey. Note this clearly however, you do not know the end, or where you will end up.... if you think you do, then you are not being true to yourself.

Importantly, accept who you are and what your limitations are.... for me, I acknowledge the fact I am hopeless at most sports, not comfortable in fixing problems with Windows on my PC, but I know I am a hopeless romantic, I am a good listener, a reasonable networker, and a whiz on my BlackBerry. I have only listed a few things here, but you get the idea....

So one thing which helps me is to write down a list:

• Things I am good at
• Things I am not good at and will never be good at (normally, these are not important to me)
• Things I am not good at but could become good at (my goals for improving myself)

Every month, review the list and map your development, watching how the first list (good at) increases while the last list (improving) reduces.... I am on my way to accepting myself as for who I am, which in turn, opens the door for other people to see me as "me". Friendship may, or may not develop, but if it develops, it is real.

Hope this helps. My thoughts for now,

Thomas