Saturday, June 13, 2009

Learn to like yourself first....

Many of you would have heard of the term "people pleaser" I am sure, but if you haven't, allow me to explain. In my words, a "people pleaser" is a person whose main aim is to please others, and quite often, that is to the detriment of themselves (in other words, putting others' needs and wants before their very own).

Now, I am no psychologist, but this is not good for your self esteem, your positiveness, your motivation to develop as an individual, or more importantly, to like yourself as a person. By concentrating on others, you are not focusing on yourself (and I don't mean in a conceited way).


How can others like you, if you don't like yourself?

You really need to understand who you actually are, accept who you are, and be the best person you can be, while all the time remembering who you are.

If you can't be yourself, how can you strive to be a better person, or grow as the person you are? If you try to be someone you are not, you are not being true to yourself, and you simply cannot grow as the person you are.

But wait, what about striving to be a better person and so become a different person as a result? Sure this is fine, but in the end, you really don't know how you will develop.... all the fun of developing yourself and going on life's journey.... your journey. Note this clearly however, you do not know the end, or where you will end up.... if you think you do, then you are not being true to yourself.

Importantly, accept who you are and what your limitations are.... for me, I acknowledge the fact I am hopeless at most sports, not comfortable in fixing problems with Windows on my PC, but I know I am a hopeless romantic, I am a good listener, a reasonable networker, and a whiz on my BlackBerry. I have only listed a few things here, but you get the idea....

So one thing which helps me is to write down a list:
  • Things I am good at
  • Things I am not good at and will never be good at (normally, these are not important to me)
  • Things I am not good at but could become good at (my goals for improving myself)

Every month, review the list and map your development, watching how the first list (good at) increases while the last list (improving) reduces.... I am on my way to accepting myself as for who I am, which in turn, opens the door for other people to see me as "me". Friendship may, or may not develop, but if it develops, it is real.

Hope this helps. My thoughts for now,

Thomas

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